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What are Democrats butthurt about today?

66/100

BUTTHURT UNITS

▲ RISING SINCE LAST READING

Cable spent Thursday giving a canceled Kansas boarding pass a rectal exam on live television, while Democrats in Alaska got caught hiring a spare Dan Sullivan and called the diagnosis an attack on democracy. Trump moved the shows to the phone, Musk read their 2028 shopping list out loud, and Newsom staffed lawyers to guard unread envelopes. The fainting couches have a waitlist and the donors are still picking up the tab.

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Trump asked California to hold twenty thousand flagged ballots. Newsom called it a coup and posted lawyers on the envelopes.

Nothing says rule of law like a governor using the penal code as a diaper for envelopes he will not let a clerk sniff. The Justice Department asked California to hold roughly twenty thousand flagged ballots, a federal judge in Los Angeles called the list not credible, and Gavin Newsom celebrated like the Magna Carta had survived a paper cut, then threatened a felony and staffed lawyers to watch federal monitors. Chuck Schumer told the country the request was an attempt to steal the election. Certified and filed.

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Trump said prosecute the spare Dan Sullivan. The democracy choir that built the spoiler then guarded the con like a stolen purse.

Last cycle any question about a ballot was the death of the republic, complete with panel shows and a donor-funded prayer circle. This week the Times found a ballot-composition project, an operative working under a fake name, and a second Dan Sullivan recruited to peel votes off the incumbent, and Mary Peltola's shop swore she barely knew a scheme her own former manager said she was aware of. Trump said take the fraud off the ballot and prosecute it. They built the con and then pissed down their own leg when somebody read the paperwork out loud.

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Trump swapped Kansas and Iowa for phone rallies. El-Sayed and the Daily Beast issued a death certificate for a boarding pass.

A missed connection is not a medical chart, but the commentariat will happily play coroner if it lets them pronounce a campaign dead before Tuesday. Trump told reporters he feels perfect, Kansas does not need him on a tarmac, and the operation will dial him into about twenty states instead of two airport hangars, including Michigan, where the in-person stop got swapped for the phone. Abdul El-Sayed announced the president had given up, which is the fairy tale you tell when your own Senate math is a crooked smile. These ghouls would embalm a boarding pass and still need a staffer to wipe their ass after the hit.

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Musk read their 2028 cheat sheet out loud and called the game over. The fan club threatened the man holding the flashlight.

Nothing strips a consultant class faster than having its own laminated plan read back by the man they already scheduled for a subpoena. Statehood for Washington and Puerto Rico, a mass legalization to lock the rolls, a packed Court, and fifty-one Republican senators as the only cork in the bottle: Musk posted the wishlist overnight and told voters every other argument is noise. The accounts that live off that memo did not dispute a line of it. They threatened to come for him, which is what credentialed people do when the donor hard-on for a permanent majority escapes the group chat.

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Pentagon priced the Trump Iran fight at forty-seven billion. Schumer shit a calculator the hour the receipt had his name.

Forty-seven billion, most of it munitions, and Chuck Schumer grabbed the figure like someone had shit on the Senate floor and handed him the mop on camera. The Pentagon told Congress where the Iran campaign stood through mid-October, money spent keeping ships and bases from eating incoming fire, and the minority leader spent the week stacking casualty counts into a fundraising hymn. Winning costs money. He would rather soil the carpet and call it leadership than admit the receipt is the price of not losing.

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